Thanks for stopping by for my Six Sentence excerpt and a glimpse into my new Paranormal Romantic Suspense, The Burning Seal...
An eerie silence pervaded her home. Even the walls breathed a warning. Voice raised, the concerned operator continued to ask questions while a second round of adrenaline coursed through Danni and sent her body on a roller coaster ride. The room shrank as her vision narrowed and the only noise she heard now was the blood careening through her body as already tense muscles ached as they pulled even tighter.
He's coming back.
OOH, very creepy. Well done. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Wendy!
ReplyDeleteThat completely and utterly rocks! WOW! Talk about sucking me into a scene. I love the sentence "even the walls breathed a warning." Goosebump stuff from the very first word and the snip-off at the ending is perfect. Awesome six!!
ReplyDeleteVery intriguing! I'm definitely going to be checking this one out! Great 6!
ReplyDeleteA lot of emotions, a lot of tension. Definitely a scary scene.
ReplyDeleteI had a couple of thoughts while reading it. Long sentences slow down a reader. If that was your intent, I misread the scene. Shorter sentences have impact and action. Here: "...while a second round of adrenaline coursed through Danni, sending her body on a roller coaster ride." Removing the "and", allows a smoother flow.
The last sentences conveys a lot...and I had to slow down and think about it. And... I am not sure that careening is the best verb. Even so, "The room shrank as her vision narrowed. The only noise she heard now was the blood careening through her body. Already tense muscles ached as they pulled even tighter.
He's coming back.
Removing "as" from being used twice helped the flow a bit, I think.
This is a thought--if you decide to replace "careening".
"The room shrank as her vision narrowed. The only noise she heard now was the wild thumping of her heart, pounding blood through her body. Already tense muscles ached as they pulled even tighter.
He's coming back."
That might sound redundant, using thumping and pounding?
Just ideas. :-)
The emotions and mood are all present. Nice six :-)
Interesting input Theresa. The book is published now so there's no going back LOL! Thanks for stopping by.
DeleteOoh scary scene. I could really feel her tension - very well done!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by and leaving input! Glad the scene created tension. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat blog!! I found your blog over on Book blogs and followed on gfc and networked blogs, I would love it if you would check my blog out to! http://readingunderthewillowtree.blogspot.co.uk/
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kate.